All My Mother's Problems
One woman's complete, uncensored account of what menopause actually did, written down so the women after her see it coming.
ALL MY MOTHER'S PROBLEMS
ONE WOMAN'S ITEMIZED ACCOUNT
REGISTER 01 · NO RETURNS
parties with the devil, any hour
I am not Lil Wayne
just in the clouds somewhere
wtf
the sand is no longer at the beach
grit & grind
becoming a hairless cat
multiple trips up the stairs, just because
thank you, night sweats
even the ones at the limit
THE LIST KEEPS PRINTING
I was like, damn. Did I get old?
Did it slip in while I wasn't looking? Because I felt young. Broke down, but young.
I was fit. Military fit. Vegan, active, proud of my health. Then one day my body shut it all off with no warning, and I spent years hearing that every test was within normal limits, even the ones sitting right at the limit. Nobody could find a problem, but somebody always had a prescription.
It took until 2026 to get the appointment that finally put a name on the main thing. By then I had a list of symptoms the length of a CVS receipt, and almost nobody had warned me about any of it.
I have a daughter. For years I have told her everything: every symptom, every appointment, every surprise. Not to scare her. Because I never want her, or any woman coming up behind me, to stand in the middle of it one day and say, nobody told me.
This is that telling, written down. For everybody's daughters.
So you never have to say nobody told you.
Walk with me
New chapters land by email, free: the whole list, one story at a time, with the comedy left in. Reading is how you ride along. Your address goes to my Substack and nowhere else.
Prefer to read first? The Substack lives here.
The log: receipts, going forward
Part of getting my life back is testing things out loud. I've chosen supplements from Envisionary Life to try, and full disclosure: my first box is literally in the mail. The day it arrives, I start a day-by-day log of what I take and what I notice, including when the answer is nothing. No miracle talk. Just receipts.